Obama Tosses Money from Air Force One

Look to the skies for your salvation, heathens; phase two of Obama's bailout has already begun.

Still fresh from signing the bailout legislation in Denver and announcing $75 billion more for houses people couldn't afford in Arizona, Obama is now tossing to money from Air Force One in order to jump-start the economy.

"The stimulus, while officially the most important and expensive piece of legislation never read, is going to take some time to start working," Obama said. "What we need is immediate action that will get people spending money right now. So that's what we're doing."

President Obama, along with Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, are currently dropping large quantities of one-dollar bills from the storage area of Air Force One.

"For the next week we plan to fly over populated areas of less-fortunate people and drop money," Pelosi said. Reid added, "for security reasons we can't announce our schedule, but rest assured that if you are less fortunate we will be flying over your home soon. So, just be waiting outside for the next 6 days or so."

Residents of Compton have already been visited by a rainfall of greenbacks. Beginning at about 11:30 am on Wednesday, one-dollar bills were seen slowly floating down onto buildings in the area. People filled the streets, jumping and grasping at the small pieces of paper. However, what began as encouraging quickly turned to what one resident called "a bloodbath."

"At first we were excited to get all this money," said A.J. Gamatch, a 22-year-old Compton resident. "But then the Crips showed up and started shooting. I dropped the bills I'd grabbed and ran, but some of the others just wouldn't give up the money and paid for it." Five people were killed in the incident.

While discouraging, President Obama spotted a silver lining: "Well at least we know that people are excited to get their hands on their own personal stimulus package." And there's a lot more love to spread around, as most of the 350 million "Washingtons" that the president started with are still on board.

The combined cost of this week-long campaign, including the F-16 escorts and in-air refueling but excluding the money dropped, is said to be around $500 million.