Thursday, February 19, 2009

J Dawgs Seeks to Siphon Stimulus

Provo UT - Hard economic times present problems for local businesses striving to keep afloat. Though the stimulus package has many wondering what it is really all about, local entrepreneurs want a piece of the political payout pie.

How does a small business gain access to the national stimulus package you ask? Clean energy.

$79 billion of the stimulus package designated to developing clean power sources by the champion of the oppressed, President Obama, solar energy and other various businesses are chomping at the bit to receive government backed compensation for inefficient energy processes.

Jayson Edward, the ever diligent
hot dog entrepreneur, decided to work his way into the deep pockets of the national government. After failing to receive bail out money from congress in January, J Dawgs fired its lobbyist and started for looking for profitable loop holes in the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act with a law school friend.

"At first I thought that maybe we could get some cash by selling our used hot dog grease for alternative fuel,"
Edwards related while shoving another sweet sauced polish in his mouth. "But we found that if we cut the power lines and put in one of those solar panels, Obama will pay for the parts and install."

The Recovery Act, which has the buying power of purchasing
222 billion Big Macs, is just in its beginning phases of rebuilding a shattered American economy. However, clever conservative businesses are not going to be stopped from grabbing some of Obama's constituent kickbacks.

Other companies have gotten creative in capitalizing on this big government spending as well. Spoon Me has plans to construct wind turbines on the top of its establishments to catch some cash. Seven Peaks has decided to invest in hydro-electric solutions to power the operations of their park.


  1. are you guys for real. if you are, this is really intelligent. if not, well then you're all still really funny.

  2. brilliant! Reading these articles is like looking into crystal ball of what the future holds